I'm not just "White!"

In order to apply to most PA schools, you have to register with CASPA, The Central Application Service for Physician Assistants. They're basically the middle-man between me and my applications and all of the PA school admission departments. It's completely computerized and *after giving them hundreds of dollars* they send my application to where ever I'm applying. (Which is every school in the southern hemisphere...)

So, I'll be applying for the 2012-2013 CASPA cycle, which technically doesn't open for me until April of next year. But, I just started going through all of the questions to see how much of a pain in the butt it would be and I began reading under the "Personal Data" tab. It began with this:

Physician Assistant programs fully recognize the importance of diversity in their student body and in the physician assistant work force. Accordingly, programs strongly encourage applications from persons from all socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, religious, and educational backgrounds and persons from groups underrepresented in health care. 

My skin started to feel prickly. I knew I wasn't going to like what followed...

Do you consider yourself to be of Hispanic origin?	Yes, Spanish/Hispanic/Latino/Latina Please check all that apply below:  Mexican, Mexican American, Chicano/Chicana  Cuban  Puerto Rican  South or Central American  Other Spanish culture or origin If other, please specify:  No, not Spanish/Hispanic/Latino/Latina
Which of the following best describe your race? Please mark one or more races.	American Indian or Alaska Native Please specify the name of your enrolled or principal tribe:  Asian Please check all that apply below:  Asian Indian  Cambodian  Chinese  Filipino  Japanese  Korean  Malaysian  Pakistani  Vietnamese  Other Asian If other, please specify:  Black or African-American  Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander Please check all that apply below:  Guamanian or Chamorro  Native Hawaiian  Samoan  Other Pacific Islander If other, please specify:  White

****WARNING: Erin's Soapbox****

Okay. I'm all about giving economically-disadvantaged people a chance at a better life. Truly, I am. But, why do the PA programs care where we're all from? Are all Pacific Islanders disadvantaged? Do all Pacific Islanders have a better chance at getting accepted? Because if that's the case, "TELOFA! O lo'u igoa o Erin and I'm from Micronesia!" 

I mean, who's to say I'm not?! Who's going to argue with me that this isn't my beloved family back home?!

 I mean, ya...my skin blisters at the thought of living anywhere near 0˚ latitude, but I don't plan on taking the admissions committees to the beach or anything! It's not like they'll ever know...

I just don't think it's right to ask ethnicity-related questions for admission to grad school because I don't see how it matters. It just perpetuates stereotypes. 

This majorly runs off of my page and doesn't exactly relate to what I'm talking about, but I think it's funny. From http://theunderweardrawer.blogspot.com/ (Love her blog!)

Anyway, I can see state schools needing to meet quotas and I do believe that- due to family financial difficulties, not race- some people should be allowed into school even if their grades/ volunteer hours/ SAT scores aren't as up to par as everyone else. Maybe they had to work full-time or take care of their siblings at home. But, I feel that we're all pretty equal once we're applying to grad school. 

And what really bothers me about this section is how they make picking the "White" box like it's something bad or like I'm already disappointing or boring them...

You're all just so...white!
Your class's grad picture is going to look like a trip to Whole Foods! Boo Hoo! 

Whole Foods Tangent...

And anyway, the "White" box is all the way at the bottom without any sub-categories like the rest of the ethnic delights, even though 73% of our population in this country is "white." I mean, they even have you put what principal tribe you're in if you're American Indian! Are there that many American Indians applying that they need to specify what tribe they're in?! They only make up 0.8% of our population! I find it ridiculous and unfair.

Well, guess what CASPA? 

I'm not just "White." 

I am Latvian...

 

I am Scottish...

I am Canadian...

I am Irish...

And I am Indian Princess...

(...Or maybe my mom just made that last part up when I was little because I liked Pocahontas...) 

Regardless, I am a lot of things other than a middle-class, "White," female and I feel like I should be able to express that to the admissions people. 

So, in conclusion, if CASPA is trying to be all politically correct and have a well-diversified class, then CASPA needs to add all of the other sub-categories for being "White." Just because you're Asian or Black or Hispanic or Samoan doesn't mean that you grew up poor, without a father, without an education or any of the other stereotypes. And just because I'm "white" doesn't necessarily mean that I grew up rich, or that I like picking my own fruit 

or that I like Sushi...

Or that I like Outdoor Performance Wear...

Well, actually, I do enjoy those things...

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

but...um...well, you get what I'm saying...it's just not right. 

Diversity is good but the decision to accept someone into PA school should NOT be based on meeting some ridiculous racial quota. And the decision should not be swayed due to skin color. Because that's being racist in my opinion...and the Free Dictionary's opinion. 

rac·ism  (rszm)

n.

1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability.

2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race.

Although I understand the theory behind diversifying health care, I've worked *really* hard in school and I'm not going to feel badly for just being plain ol' white. 

School has been getting pretty darn intense the past few weeks! I had been coasting along, thinking it's boring and easy and that I was way overqualified, until all of a sudden, BAM!

We now have hundreds of instruments to know, thousands of skills to master and billions of tiny pieces of information to remember- ALL by next week!

Our Learning Curve is EXPONENTIAL! 

We've had some political/social/psychological unease go on within our program over the past few weeks that resulted in our lab coordinator leaving/being fired. We also had this -I'm embarrassed to even say- "talk therapy session" where all of the students in our program were able to air their grievances about each other in front of everyone a la the movie, Mean Girls. Apparently there had been a lot of vicious gossiping going on among the ovaries in our class. (Unbeknownst to moi because I live in Erin Land where I still don't know half the people's names...)

This is my literal video interpretation-

I. AM. NOT. KIDDING.

I'm all about therapy -I am a psych major after all- 

-but there were literally 45-year-old women in my class *bawling* because they had heard from one of the girls that another girl said that she talked too much during a certain lab exercise two weeks previously. (Granted- the woman does talk a lot...) A total of 5 women flat out cried that day. I was so uncomfortable with all of the emotions and the situation had become so ridiculous that I felt like I would burst from holding in my laughter.

My body ached it wanted to laugh so hard. And I was pinching the inside of my arm so forcefully and thinking about death and morbid things to distract myself from the hilarity that I almost didn't hear when my teacher honed in on me and demanded, "ERIN, we never heard anything from you! Do you have anything to add?" I looked that woman dead in the face and told her that I had no friggin idea as to what was going on. So *no* I had absolutely nothing to add.

Anyway, now we have a new lab coordinator and we all have to change seats every day so that we can all bond.

..........

Yes, we literally have to change seats in our lecture room. So now I can no longer sit next to Ylena, the Ukrainian woman who doesn't talk much, and instead I have to...bond...with my fellow peers. Am I in Middle School again?

Anyway, besides that whole fiasco, we've really been working hard towards preparing for our mock surgery. Mock surgery is when each person goes through everything we've learned in front of our teacher and gets graded. If we don't pass the mock surgery, we can't continue on in the program...

Mock includes:

Putting on appropriate attire (scrubs, mask, shoe covers, head cover, eye shield)
Setting up the room (basin set, back table, mayo stand, anesthesia carts, prep stand, instrument tray)
Opening the room (opening all packs onto appropriate places in the correct order/way)
Scrubbing (3-min. scrub at sink)
Gowning/Gloving Closed Method
Organizing Instruments and Counting with the Nurse
Setting up our mayo stand

A Mayo Stand with what looks like: a Richardson retractor, 2 Kochers, 2 forceps,  a Metzenbaum, a Kelly, a straight mayo, 4 criles, 2 curved mayos and some lap sponges...correct me if you can!

Gown/Glove the surgeon
Pulling it all up to our OR table
And then passing instruments to the surgeon

And we have to finish all of that, on our own, in one hour. Ahh! It may sound easy but it's sooo not that easy! And I won't lie- I went into this program thinking I'd sweep in there and show everyone how it's done...since I've been to college and I think I'm smart...but that has totally not happened. Everyone is way better at being techs than I am and I'm constantly asking for help. But, I'm starting to get it now!

Mock isn't until the week of October 17th, but by next week we're going to be doing "mock" mock surgery and I don't want to look like a fool, so this weekend is study. time.

Also! Within all of the craziness, we're also going to the hospital to shadow the week of the 10th!

That means Hallelujah in Jew...

I can't wait to get back into the OR and see some blood and guts!!!! ...I mean...see some medical miracles :)

That first day in the OR for me was like a pre-alcoholics first taste of whiskey. I want more! And I'm excited because we'll be going to a really beautiful, new hospital this time!

Can't wait!! And after I *pass* mock surgery in a few weeks, I'll get to start our clinical rotations which will be AWESOME. Just have to go memorize 600 more instruments....

A 23-Year-Old on Her Birthday

I'm the kind of person that always feels a little depressed on my birthday...

I really try not to feel like this, but a somber birthday rain cloud dumps on me every year despite my having a great time with people that I love. It's just not logical to be sad on your birthday, and I like being logical! You've been able to live and experience the wonders of life for a whole extra year. The day deserves all of the candles and balloons and birthday celebrations that accompany it. I'm truly lucky to be 23 on this beautiful, sunshiney day...

...But I'm just feeling kind of blah. To me, birthdays are kind of like taking a kid to Disney World after hyping it up to them for months. Once the day finally comes, the anxious kids practically pee themselves when they see the castle from afar, but before they've even made it through the entrance line, they're hot and tired and scared to death of Goofy and the other bizarre cloth creatures gawking at them.  

I guess that's what I feel- scared. 

Being 23 is frickin' scary. Maybe it's just me, but I think this has to be the most stressful year yet. When you're 23, everyone looks at you and treats you like an adult. But I am so NOT an adult. I don't pay bills, I don't have a job, I don't know what the heck a 401k is and I have no intentions on marrying or birthing children anytime in the near future. I just don't feel old enough. And it's scary to not feel old when you actually are old and expected to act like an adult. It's like today, I was in class and one of my classmates asked me if I was married and I practically choked on my broccoli and hummus. Um, NO! I still put zit cream on at night and watch Wizards of Waverly Place before bed time! 

Being a 23-year-old can be tricky too...

I'm not old enough to be married and have an adult life! But, I guess people do see me as old enough- especially now that I'm............23.............

Gahh, I wish I could go back to saying that I was 18 and have everyone respond with, "Awww...you're so young..." as they stared wistfully at my thin, youthful body. But now, I say 23 and people go, "Oh...so you wanna go walk the stairs with me during lunch? At this age, we need to jump start our metabolism." (True response from today...) 

I know I'm not old in the grand spectrum of ages and I also know that life doesn't end after 30. I know that there are many awesome things yet to come and that I should be grateful for every birthday I get...because what's a better alternative? 

I just wish I could be the person who goes all out for their birthdays and never thinks twice about the complexities of life and existence...

But I do. Which is why- 5 years ago today-I was curled up, fetal position, on my best friend Emily's kitchen floor on my 18th birthday, crying...sobbing...about getting older. I remember her mom had made me a cake that was blue and my friends were laughing at me like I was insane. Things don't change I guess! 

Besides the major depressive episode, I did have a great 23rd birthday and pre-birthday weekend with Kevin. 

Pre-Birthday Weekend Through Pictures:

I didn't have class Thursday or Friday last week, so Kevin came down Thursday bearing beautiful pink flowers and took me to Orlando. And there were many wonderful birthday surprises yet to come! 

We pulled up at the JW Marriott, right next to the Ritz and I immediately felt very posh and princess-like. 

Step One: Go to lazy river!

And after arriving and checking out our sweet digs, there was a knock on the door...

Maybe being 23 won't be so bad :)

 And THEN, my dear boyfriend totally surprised me with VIP tickets to see Arabian Nights...which I had begged him to take me to last time we were passing through Orlando.

Horses + costumes + pot roast = happy birthday girl!

And being VIP meant we got to go backstage and see the horses!!! Ahh! I tried smuggling my friend Sonny and all the other horses out of their stalls and into my house but they weren't interested....

Such a good man...and even though he might deny it...he LOVED the horsies too!

And if there's a buffet within a mile of Kevin, you know we will be there! (Golden Corral anyone?) SO we gorged at breakfast...

I fully enjoyed my surprise birthday weekend and was glad I got to spend it with my 200-mile-away boyfriend :)

THEN, if that weren't enough birthday fun...my dad woke me up this morning with this blaring:

Happy Birthday To ME! And I got lots of presents to open! Thanks Dad!

And then, I got to go to class all day...but I got brownies and a sweet note from "the girls in the front row." haha it made me happy :)

And thennn...I got home, ready to relax on my b-day and found my precious fur child, Tyson, huddled in the laundry room shaking and whimpering. 

Soo...I threw him in the car and rushed him to the vet and then sat around for an hour while he got poked and prodded. But Dr. Salzburg let me look at Tyson's x-rays which was pretty cool. Short story? Tyson was just having some...bowel inflammation...Oh, pets are so lovely. He's doing a little better now after I swaddled and rocked him to sleep :)

THEN, I went to my mom and bill's and ate delicious chicken and sweet potatoes from her garden. And opened more presents! And ate chocolate cake! And watched House Hunters! 

Wonderful day! And soon, it will all be over...bye 23rd b-day! 

I was leaving my mom's house tonight, holding my birthday loot, and as I was walking to my car I made a comment about how beautiful the sky was.

 It was so clear and the stars were so shiny and the beach neighborhood was so peaceful and quiet. And my mom agreed and said, "I wonder where we'll be this time next year..." Hmmmm.

Well, I'm off to bed and can't wait for my alarm to go off in 6 hours...not...kinda sad not to be the birthday princess anymore but we have a very busy lab tomorrow! Will catch you up as soon as I get some time! Much excitement on the 4th floor :)

Well, hello outside world! Part II...

I have a feeling that a lot of my blog postings are going to be split up into parts. I kinda have a lot to say!

...which is weird because I'm generally a quiet, reflective, listener-type person day-to-day. I guess everything I want to say is so pent up that when I get some form of outlet to express myself it's like, "WELL, HEY THERE! Listen to ME!" A lot of my life is spent listening to other people whose sole interest in life is being heard and who don't give a darn as to what I want to say. It's super annoying...although I'll continue to keep nodding and smiling...

Enter: blogging. I <3 blogging. Blogging + Me = 4ever.

Anyway, back to my story!

So, every morning I stuff a Dark Chocolate and Nut Trail Mix bar into my face on my way to school.

I also hit the gas, slam on my brakes, cuss, scream and think murderous thoughts as I try to navigate my way through endless lanes of idiots without being late. I swear, it's amazing to me how many people are out on the road at 7 am who are not in a hurry to get anywhere. Are there seriously people who leave for life early? I imagine they're listening to this while puttering down the road, not a care in the world:

(They're also probably the same people who had the time to animate the above stick figure video...) So, I finally get to the small state college where I attend my program just in time to find a parking spot, which isn't nearly as bad as trying to find parking at FSU. Not even close, but still a pain. Then, I sprint (...okay, walk quickly) to the Health and Human Sciences Building, press the elevator button for the 4th floor, feel guilty for not taking the stairs and then finally, I arrive on the Surgical Tech Floor. Time to put my happy face on!

Within three weeks, everyone now knows me as the sweet, shy, smart girl. I try with all of my might to escape this image, but I cannot. So now, every morning when I walk into our locker room, it's like (spoken an octave higher than normal),

"Ohhhh, hiiii Erinnnn! How areeee youuuu, honey?"

Grr. Actually, I'm frickin' in a bad mood and wish you wouldn't talk to me like I'm a new puppy...

My response, however?

"I'm goooooood! How are youuuuu?" And the cycle of annoying, patronizing, elevated voices continues...

Once all of my stuff is in my locker and my hair is wrestled onto the top of my head, it's time to begin. We have lab every morning from about 8 am to 11-ish. This is when we practice our sweet, surgical tech skills.

For example, yesterday we learned and practiced how to open and drape our back table (which is where we keep all of our instruments) and how to gown and glove the surgeon. It's not as easy as it sounds!

(This isn't the most accurate video, but what I'm talking about starts at 3:00 if you're interested! We were practicing being the lady talking...)

So, after lab we have our first of many food breaks throughout the day. This is about the time that I trundle up to the front of our classroom and gorge on whatever baked goods people have brought in for the day (e.g. Dunkin Doughnut holes, chocolate cupcakes with homemade chocolate ganache etc.).

Me- muscling myself up to the doughnut trough...

And before I can even wipe the chocolate ganache from my face, it's time for lecture!

*So, go forth calories! Live well and prosper on my belly! Don't worry, I won't be burning you off any time soon!*

Lecture is suuuuper boring right now. Yesterday, we spent three hours talking about the different fibers and weaves of surgical towels and which ones to use when. Baghhhh. Which is why my notes look like:

and this beauty...

Sometime in the middle of lecture, we take our lunch break. By that time, I've already eaten all of the lunch I packed so I go with the guys over to the hospital across the street and eat with them at the cafeteria.

We talked about cars and speeding tickets for 40 minutes. It's great, guys are so simple :)

Then we walk back for more lecture/doodle session until 3-ish and then the day is over! That's about it! Fun, fun, fun!

*Also, the test that I remembered I had this morning? It was 52 questions and I got 100%.

Yep, #1 Surg Tech RIGHT HERE! Whoop, Whoop!

Now, I'm going to finish watching The Notebook and cry myself to sleep tonight! Yay! TGIF!