The Last Time.

At 11 o'clock tomorrow, I will drive onto campus a student and drive off campus an alumni.

 I'm kind of freaking out. When I think of the word "alumni," I imagine a big-bellied dad and a visor-wearing mom at a tailgate watching all of the college madness and reminiscing. I do not want to reminisce. I'm here! I'm here! I'm still a fun, skinny, drunk, optimistic, college co-ed just living for today! Or at least I could be! I'm not going to turn into an alumni tomorrow! I refuse! I'll do anything.

For the past few weeks of summer, I've been living in a weird place of denial and sentimentality. I'm driving my boyfriend nuts because of my melodramatic statements such as, "This is the last time I'm ever going to shop in this Wal-Mart on Tennessee Street." Or, "This is the last time I'm ever going to sit in this bed in this house and study transcription factors."

The Last Time. 

I feel like four years just slipped out of my hand like a slimy fish before I even got a chance to look at it.

The week before graduation has been especially strange because simultaneously everything is changing and nothing is changing.  All of my worldly possessions are either being hastily boxed-up or dumped by the car-full at Goodwill. Dumping them at Goodwill is kind of painful for me...I think I have a hoarder's mentality that everything I own is special or something.

They're just so rough at Goodwill! Their greedy, grubby hands hungrily snatch your prized possessions and throw them into a giant heap of other people's gross crap without regard to their importance or value. Goodwill doesn't make it easy to down-size.

And not only is my life being packed away box-by-box, but I have to give my foster children (read: cats) back to their orphanage (read: Humane Society) tomorrow. I never thought I would like cats, but I have become a total cat lady. Here's Fluffer among boxes as I write:

My Fur Child

Although everything is changing around me (friends moving to and fro, houses and furniture selling, fur children leaving), nothing is changing.

I'm still sitting in bed, eating, with study guides and notes scattered all around me. I have a final tomorrow and am procrastinating like usual via any way possible. People are still emailing me about fall club meetings that I joined two years ago. I need to grocery shop. The world is just...going about its usual Thursday business. Hello, world! I'm graduating tomorrow, people! Shouldn't there be a day of remembrance or candle vigil or something? My entire life as I know and love it is about to change! 

But, I have to keep telling myself that CHANGE is GOOD. I'm about to embark on another great adventure. This time next week, I'll be meeting up with old, wonderful, high-school friends for drinks.

 In less than a month, I will be in an O.R. watching surgery. This time next year...who knows?!

Mantra of the week: Embrace change!